Dark Avengers: The Deadpool Invasion
by Impurest Cheese
Summary: As Osborne's New Team of Avengers are revealed to the public they come under attack. Will they be able to survive the coming baptism of fire that comes in the form of Deadpool? Set between Last Team Standing Chapters 6-8
1. Prolouge  Full Assembly

**Avengers Tower, New York - 20:22PM - 1 Day until Invasion Begins**

Eric O Grady nervously tapped his foot as he sat outside the office. He felt silly really being frightened of an office, but then again his recent record had been less then favourable. The siege of Asgard had, quite literally shaken up the team he had been on and not for the better. Three members of that team; Ghost, Mister X and Grizzly where still missing and Paladin was AWOL with Odin's Spear the very artifcat they had been sent to steal. What worried O Grady most was that he had assisted Paladin in keeping the spear away from the others and that Scourge, the team leader, had told Osborne about his treachery.

"Mr Osborne will see you know," a woman informed him, looking up he saw it was Victoria Hand Osborne's Major Domo, and one of the few women he never tried to mentally undress with his eyes.

"Is he angry?" he asked his voice reeking of anguish

"Very angry, at everyone it seems." she replied before re-entering the office. O Grady followed her and was shown to a seat in-front of the desk where Osborne sat his arms folded and his face pensive.

"Mr O Grady do you like being a Thunderbolt?" Osborne asked

"Yes."

"So can you tell me why you worked with Paladin in initiating actions that caused the failure of your mission?"

"I have no excuse other then he was my friend." O Grady answered hoping that this time the truth didn't sound like a load of bull.

"Loyalty?" Osborne stated, "Paladin is a charismatic individual for a rookie such as yourself."

"It is?" O Grady asked

"You made a mistake." Osborne replied picking up a gauntlet for the Iron Patriot Armor. O Grady flinched as he fiddled with a button on the glove's underside.

"Sorry about that my armor still has pieces of Asgard lodged in it." Osborne said, "Anyway my Avengers are not allowed to make mistakes, which as of this minute includes you."

"Me?" O Grady said surprised

"Yes You." Osborne answered, "Now get out of here and remember what I said no mistakes."

"Yes Sir." O Grady gulped scampering out of the office. "Are you sure this is wise?" Victoria asked as O Grady's cries of relief had faded from hearing.

"You know what they say Victoria," Osborne began, "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."

"Hmm an Interesting Concept," she replied, "Very interesting."

* * *

><p><strong>Undisclosed Location, New York - 21:07 - 1 Day until Invasion Begins<strong>

The dock was filthy, covered in junk and graffiti, at the very end a shape in a long trench coat. The figure turned as a creak sounded from the other end as a second figure in a trench coat crept unsuccessfully down the dock.

"Why are we meeting here?" the first figure asked

"Because this is how they do it in the movies. And you know the audience expect a certain amount of shadiness for such a deal." the second said shucking the coat revealing a red body suit. "So what's the job and more importantly how much are you paying for the services of Wade W Wilson AKA Deadpool the Merc with a Mouth, the greatest mercenary of all time."

"My client is willing to pay 10 million US Dollars." the figure began

"I want half now." Deadpool stated

"As I was about to say my client will pay 10 million now and 10 million later as well as 100,000 a head for every target that you kill instead of wound."

"I was going to kill you for interrupting me but now I feel like I should take you out for pizza or something, I mean assuming you eat right? I'm not sure how the whole…"

"My client has one condition you must stick too." the contact stated, "That this Merc keeps its mouth shut about me and him."

"Can do." Deadpool replied, "So that's a no for pizza then?" he asked

"Take this." the contact said poking a metal covered arm out of the trench coat, "It deactivates the security system at this address. Use what's inside however you like, we will contact you when the job's over." the contact added handing Deadpool a piece of paper which he promptly memorized and then ate

"Cool, you have yourselves eight dead bodies." Deadpool replied spitting the piece of paper out into the sea. "Oh and lady I like your accent." he added as he bounced away down the dock the concrete changing into grass and flowers and the buzzing flies turned into beautiful butterflies. "Sorry I'm having a moment so it's going to have to be TTFN."

* * *

><p><strong>Avengers Tower, New York - 21:43PM - 1 Day until Invasion Begins<strong>

"Mr Steel," Osborne addressed the shining steel skinned man who stood before among the broken chairs, the failed attempt of him trying to sit down, "Why do you think I called you in here."

"Is it because of what happened at Broxton?" Ironclad asked, "I should have been there, Songbird wouldn't have stood a chance."

"No this is for a very different reason." Osborne said, "By the way," he added, "who does the power boost feel."

"Good," Ironclad replied, "I feel stronger."

"You are," Osborne stated, "The power boost you and the other U-Foes received is a gift for you assistance in taking down Asgard. You in particular got my attention in the battle my Steel Soldier."

"What do you mean?"

"How would you like to be an Avenger Mr Steel."

"I would like that Mr Osborne but with my name and reputation nobody would see me as a hero."

"Then think of a new name, for example Ms. Marvel was Moonstone." He stared at Iron Clad as something caught his eye, reflected back at him on Iron Clad's shiny skin was the Green Goblin snickering at him.

"How about Colossuss?" Iron Clad suggested

"No no no shut up." Osborne roared at the Goblin

"Jeez then I'll go with the Steel Soldier like you suggested." Iron Clad answered

"Good, good," Osborne replied absently, "You may go I have a personal problem to deal with."

* * *

><p><strong>Hidden SHIELD Facility - 22:12PM - <strong>**23 Hours until Invasion Begins**

Deadpool eventually found the warehouse just before he had reached the state of regretting eating the address. Locating a big warehouse door he slotted the key card that his contact had given him and the door creaked open without any alarms going off. Stepping inside he passed a large flatbed truck and a pair of beat up Toyota Hiluk's before reaching a door marked armoury.

"Christmas came early," Deadpool squeaked as he looked inside

"Yes it has Wade," Santa said as he handed Deadpool a SPAS-12 Shotgun

"He he I always wanted one of these." Deadpool squeaked shooting a round into the wall.

"Try this one." Santa suggested as Deadpool picked up another weapon

"Sweet an M32 MGL." Deadpool replied shooting a grenade at Santa that detonated blowing the jolly fellow into pieces, "Opps looks like I'm defiantly on the naughty list next year." Deadpool stated. With a quick shake of his head the hullicination of Santa vanished and Deadpool found himself staring at another Deadpool standing in the doorway. Firing a round into the other Deadpool's head the bullet hit metal that sparked at the impact point.

"Welcome sir." a second fake Deadpool said, "I am Deadpool Life Model Decoy 22 and we have been programmed to help you in this mission."

"I don't have to pay you right?" The real Deadpool asked.

"No we are machines we don't need payment."

"That's cool more money for me." The real Deadpool said as he entered the room pushing over the sparking Deadpool, "Wow he said that's a lot of me." he suddenly spotted something slumped against the far-side wall, "And that is really cool."

* * *

><p><strong>Avengers Tower, New York - 23:51PM - 22 Hours until Invasion Begins<strong>

"Are you sure that you want to see her." Victoria spat as Osborne rubbed his head.

"Yes bring her in." he ordered, "And Victoria give us some privacy."

Victoria nodded and showed an exotic looking woman into Osborne's office. She was dressed in an expensive suit and carried a backpack which she placed on the floor by the desk. Not waiting for an invitation she sat down and stared at Osborne with her deep brown eyes.

"Thank you for coming Ms Nejad, I have been looking for you for a while."

"I do leave quite a mess behind," she purred, "Did you like the gifts I left you?" she asked

"Yes dressing your victims up as my former enemies certainly did give me a sense of nostalgia. I particularly like what you did with the man dressed as Spiderman, really sadistic."

"I thought I'd bring you something more personnel." Nejad stated pulling a head out of her backpack. The head in question was of a woman with white dyed hair with pink streaks, "Not the real thing I know, but one day it will be."

"Enough formalities Ms Nejad I know that your not some psychopath you deliberately sought me out didn't you Kephi?" Osborne asked

"Mmm somebody does their homework, or maybe it was too obvious." Kephi replied

"What I want to know is why would a God come to me?" Osborne asked

"Because I need help to kill a God," Kephi said, "and in return I will give you this world and others my master."

"Master of the World." Osborne said, Kephi smiled as he stroked her face, "The first sign of treachery and you'll wish you were in the afterlife."

"Understood Osborne God Killer," Kephi purred, "You will find me most loyal."

"One other thing," Osborne added, "you will need a new name the public is un-easy about deities on this plane."

"My name is on your desk," Kephi replied. From the imitation Songbird head a fat scarab beetle emerged it's body an iridescent green. "The Emerald Scarab, finally my Avengers are whole again."

* * *

><p><strong>Building Overlooking Central Park, New York - 21:59PM<strong>

Deadpool and two of the Life Model Decoy's emerged on the rooftop all of them carrying high-calibre sniper-rifles. The plan was to cut the snake's head off before the body knew what was happening, or in this case shoot it off. Lining up a shot Deadpool activated the laser scope on his M14 EBR and took aim. Firing the bullet flew straight and true but at the last moment a HAMMER agent knocked Osborne down taking the bullet for him.

"Avengers Assemble." Osborne growled

"Is that so?" Deadpool asked, "Deadpool's attack." he replied

* * *

><p>The original character of the Emerald ScarabKephi is my own creation and is not owned by Marvel Comics

Deadpool - You're sending me up against a Goddess, I'll be killed.

Impurest Cheese - Would you rather have gone up against the Sentry?

Deadpool - Good point I'll take the mad beetle god instead.

Impurest Cheese - Why are you here Deadpool?

Deadpool - I just wanted to tell you some ideas for this fan-fiction. For example the title should be Deadpool: Attack of the Avengers instead of what it's called now.

Impurest Cheese - No I'm the writer and what I say goes. I would appreciate it Deadpool if you kept you're mouth shut about my writing.

Deadpool - How you going to make me?

Impurest Cheese - I can write it so you end up like you do in X Men Origins.

Deadpool - Good Point, I'm going to go and bother somebody else for a while but this isn't over.

Ms. Marvel/Moonstone - Are we still meant to be fighting?

Impurest Cheese - That's it no more breaking the 4th wall today. Go fight each other or whatever it is I told you to do in the next chapter.


	2. The Fall and Capture of Deadpool

"Sir you missed," Deadpool LMD 3 stated

"Yeah I see that," the real Deadpool replied, "Luckily I don't miss twice." he added got ready to fire a second shot. There was a whoosh as an arrow struck Deadpool in the right eye causing his shot to go wide and ricochet off the Steel Soldier.

"That's just immature." Deadpool said pulling the arrow out, "Now I'm going to have bad depth perception," he added sticking the eye back in. "Hey Buddy can you knock it off I'm trying to assassinate someone here." he asked throwing the arrow off the building.

"Deadpool," growled Osborne, "I thought you told him to stay away." he asked Hawkeye who was stringing up a second arrow.

"I did," Hawkeye replied, "Guess he didn't listen." he added letting off another arrow which flew and struck Deadpool in the cheek.

"Oh come on." Deadpool yelled down at Osborne. He turned to see LMD 3 and LMD 4 just standing there. "Well come on people this isn't a spectator sport." he ordered. In seconds all three Deadpools were firing down on the Avengers, the majority of the crowd long gone. Diving behind the stage it defiantly looked like the Avengers were on the back foot from where Deadpool stood.

"Three Shooters," Hawkeye explained, "One armed with an M14 the others with Anti Material Rifles."

"They really came here to kills us!" Antman exclaimed

"You know what you signed up for." Osborne snapped, "Karla tale to the skies and get Deadpool off that roof, I don't care if you have to level the entire building just do it. The rest of you get ready once Deadpool falls we surround him and cut him down." he ordered as Ms. Marvel flew off bullets flying through her intangible form.

"Sir we have an Avenger incoming," LMD 3 said

"Cease fire and back away from the edge, lead her into the trap." Deadpool ordered

"Karla who are the other shooters," Osborne asked as the sniper fire ceased

"I think I'm seeing things but it looks like two more Deadpools." she replied hovering over the building, "Could he have been building an army since that last time?" she asked

"What are they doing?" Osborne asked

"Sitting around arguing should I go in?" Ms. Marvel asked

"Green Light to engage Karla," Osborne confirmed as she swooped down on the arguing Mercs

"And that's why I'm a firm Team Deadpool supporter, I mean what was Ryan thinking when he chose to play Green Lantern over me." Deadpool explained

"Sir the Avenger is in range." LMD 4 said

"Good Deadpool LMD 5 & 8 open fire." Deadpool ordered

"Yes sir" the two Deadpools said from the opposite roof as they locked onto Ms. Marvel with their Stinger Missile Launchers. In an instant the missiles were away streaking towards Ms. Marvel who pulled up from the attack as the rockets tracked her across the skies.

"Karla you have two Stinger Missiles on you tail." Hawkeye informed her, "Go intangible see what happens." He quickly recoiled as a bullet skimmed past his cheek as the Snipers began to open fire again. Up above Ms. Marvel went intangible and the rockets flew past into the distance. Breathing a sigh of relief she became intangible only to see the missiles fly back round and head for again. Even worse two more Deadpools had appeared and were getting ready to fire two more missiles at her.

"Karla thread the needle," Osborne ordered as Karla danced through the sky avoiding the missiles before heading to the shooters location, "Hawkeye get ready to nail Deadpool." Osborne continued, "Antman you have permission to blast Deadpool with stinger on full power."

"The Avenger is coming back round." LMD 8 stated blankly, "should we open fire?"

"The boss did tell us to target any Avenger that's in the air." LMD 5 replied. It didn't matter though as Ms. Marvel had reached their position and had dived through the building as two of the missiles slammed into the LMDs destroying them in a fiery explosion.

"Idiots." Deadpool said dropping the M14 for an SA-80 Light Machine Gun peppering the attacking Ms. Marvel with bullets as she led the other two missiles towards their position.

"Well men," Deadpool began, "It's been sought of an honour, LMD-3 I'm promoting you to captain of this ship."

"Thank you sir." LMD-3 repplied not noticing the ice-berg heading for their position, "Sir where are you going?" he asked as the real Deadpool jumped off the building screaming and flailing his arms. Above him Ms. Marvel flew through the building as the missiles impacted killing the newly promoted captain. As he fell Deadpool felt a sharp jolt as something impacted with him and he suddenly stopped falling a large arrow pinning him to the building. Struggling he was unable to free himself as a tiny figure floated in front of him.

"Hey Antwoman." Deadpool said

"It's Antman!," O' Grady replied

"Sorry, sorry so Antman you're in the big leagues, let me be the first to congratulate you on your promotion." Deadpool said hoping that Antman was a big, or in this case small, a sucker as he looked.

"Really, that means a lot coming from someone like you." Antman said taking the bait, "I mean you're infamous but I was a nobody."

"I'd prefer famous but I will take infamous. You know what you should untie me and we should celebrate I know this place where the…"

"Sorry Deadpool while I'd love to I think Osborne would have a problem with that." Antman replied

"Oh well," Deadpool sighed, "Back to struggling and fighting then."

"You're in no position to fight Deadpool." Ms. Marvel said landing next to him, "What are you waiting for O'Grady knock him out."

"Wait please I want to ask Osborne a question before you stun me."

"Ask away Deadpool," Osborne said arriving with the rest of his Avengers

"Is it true you got punked by," he stopped and snickered, "Songbird. I mean please you're goons should be able to deal with her."

"I resent that," Songbird said appearing next to Ms. Marvel

"Ah don't be like that," Deadpool said, "Hey can I star in a Fanon tale with you, once that's done I will have crossovers with nearly everyone."

"Well." Songbird murmured, "I am a big fan." she said her powers shredding her costume to reveal a red Deadpool one underneath

"Wow really nice, is that home made?" Deadpool asked, Songbird giggled.

"Who's he talking to," Steel Soldier asked Spiderman

"Well he has these kinds of episodes, there really kind of funny." Spiderman informed him

"No there not." Osborne answered, "For the love of God O'Grady zap him now so he shuts up."

"Sorry Songbird got to go," Deadpool said wriggling free of the arrow holding him in place before swatting Antman whose stingers streaked through Wade's fingers, "Okay Osborne you've asked for it." he addressed Osborne throwing a disc at the Iron Patriot Armor.

"Is that all," Osborne laughed, "somebody punch him out". Suddenly the disc sparked and lightning shot through the armor rendering it immobile.

"Standard Electo-Magnetic Scramble, It's amazing what you find in old SHIELD Bases." Deadpool explained as Ms. Marvel lunged towards him, "No you don't." Deadpool said as he pulled out a SPAS-12 and blasted her with it the round travelling through her intangible body. Staggering she fell and clutched her chest, "Moon Rocks defiantly kryptonite for you," he replied pushing her face into the mud, "Now come on who's for fisticuffs?" he asked putting his hands up in a boxing stance.

"You may have bested those three," Spiderman hissed sliding up behind him, "But I'd wager you won't be so tough without your arms, or you head." he added sliding his tongue around Deadpool's neck.

"Hey Mac," Wolverine growled, "Do you like your food diced of shredded?" he asked extending his claws.

"He's mine Wolverine, mine alone." Spiderman hissed as he began to pull Deadpool towards his mouth.

"Mmph mmph," Deadpool said struggling to be heard

"What was that?" Spiderman asked slightly loosening his tongue

"Tick tick boom." Deadpool replied stabbing the tongue with a mini claymore mine before slipping out of the chokehold as it thrashed just before the explosion detonated shredding the alien symbiote's tongue.

"It's stupid us taking turns," Hawkeye stated, "We should fight him together." he added pulling out a large combat knife

"I agree let's slice him to pieces." Wolverine added

"Now you face a true warrior's fury." Emerald Scarab finished summoning a five foot Khopesh that glittered with its own internal light. All three of them lunged and Deadpool drew his Katana as blades met against blades. From behind him something moved and a massive fist sent him down onto his knees as the Steel Soldier attacked from behind. Dropping his blade Deadpool attempted to pick it up only to have the iron-giant clamp his hands.

"Now you join your ancestors in the afterlife." the Emerald Scarab said as the Steel Soldier lifted his head in line with her blade.

"No he's mine," Spiderman hissed as he pushed past Hawkeye, who had retrieved the merc's katana, and attempted to grab Deadpool.

"No fell creature, he is mine to scavenge on alone." Scarab answered as she opened her mouth a swarm of tiny scarab beetle's flew out and began to burry into Deadpool's flesh.

"Actually," a voice stated, "We'll take him." All five of the Avengers turned to see another Deadpool LMD equipped with a massive chain-gun. Behind him eight more Deadpool LMDs appeared brandishing multiple weapons.

"In this case," the real Deadpool sang as the first shots were fired, "Don't stop the cavalry."

* * *

><p>Deadpool: - May I say that Scarab is one of the most twisted yet oddly hot individuals I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. I she single?<p>

Impurest Cheese: - What about Songbird?

Deadpool: - She's good looking but I don't date heros, too honest

Songbird: - Good because I don't date scum like you

Deadpool: - How did you get here?

Impurest Cheese: - Who are you talking too?

Deadpool: - Songbird she's right there man.

Impurest Cheese - I can't see her.

Songbird: - And another thing I don't act like the way you fantasized about me.

Deadpool: - Jeez now I know why they called you Screaming Mimi. I think I preferred the slobbering space-freak, Iron Giant, psycho assassin, son of wolverine and the bug lady.

Impurest Cheese: - Seriously Songbird is on her way to Mexico, she's not here Deadpool

Deadpool: - Whoa Osborne is waking up I'm just going to take advantage of this while I still have this

Impurest Cheese: - It actually worked, thanks Melissa

Songbird: - Does this mean that you won't kill me off in the next Thunderbolts Fanon like you were planning too?

Impurest Cheese: - I've got to go and make sure Deadpool doesn't do anything stupid. See you next chapter readers.

Seriously Songbird Fans, I promise Melissa won't die in the next Thunderbolts Fanon Story, Probably


	3. Deadpool: The Avenger's Bane

Osborne got to his feet as the battle raged; a LMD with a massive chain-gun was leading the others in a counterattack against his Avengers and his Avengers seemed to be loosing. Both Karla and O' Grady were still out for the count but at least they where breathing, Hawkeye wasn't as lucky as he bled out from multiple shot wounds. All the other Avengers, apart from Kephi, were fighting for their lives, these LMDs were whole staircases above the four that Karla had destroyed earlier. With a blast from his Repulsors Norman took to the air and blasted an LMD that had until a few seconds before been peppering Draken with an AK-47. Dropping down next to Kephi, Osborne saw that she had an idiotic grin on her face as scarab beetles crawled over her skin into her mouth.

"Get up," Osborne ordered

"Can't so full of energy, got the best buzz since 1944," Kephi replied her voice that of an addict hallucinating

"Then use that power to help us." Osborne said putting his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to pull her up onto her feet only to have the gauntlet evaporate in a burst of green smoke. "Then stay here, I'll deal with you later." Osborne growled as he turned to see the Steel Soldier using the real Deadpool to bludgeon another.

"Blue on Blue," the real Deadpool cried, "Friendly fire." he added as he scrambled to pick up the defeated LMDs M32 MGL. Twisting to face the soldier's head he fired a volley of grenades yelling, "Danger Close." Stunned the Steel Soldier dropped him before receiving a second volley sending him crashing to the ground. "Your self repairing right?" Deadpool asked darting away as the Steel Soldier tried to grab him, "This is for the people of Rockwell." Deadpool continued as a Technical, crewed by LMDs, pulled up and fired a rocket at the fallen giant. The rocket detonated spraying the Steel Soldier with a solution that quickly made his iron skin rust becoming brittle.

"Looks like you're rusty." Deadpool stated, "Oh Well." he added firing a grenade at the Steel Solider causing him to shatter into rust flakes.

"Deadpool you'll pay for that," Osborne roared as Daken sliced the head off another LMD. The odds were now in the Avenger's favour as only a few LMDs were still standing. The one armed with the massive chain-gun was focusing its attention on him now as the real Deadpool joined the fight pulling out a .44 Magnum.

"This is a .44 Magnum loaded with Adamantine tipped bullets that could blow you head off with a single shot, armor and all. So Osborne you got to ask yourself are you feeling lucky. Well are you?" Deadpool growled doing a passable imitation of Clint Eastwood and took a shot. The fatal armor piercing round never reached Osborne as Daken slashed the round, the impact shattering one of his claws before turning towards Deadpool and slashed cleanly through the hand and the Magnum, the remaining bullets falling to the ground still intact.

"I say sir I do challenge you to a duel." Deadpool said picking up his hand and using it to slap Daken round the face, "Pistols at dawn." he added shooting Daken through the head and then the groin causing him to collapse as his healing factor kicked in. Osborne wasn't majorly concerned, Daken would heal and even better, O' Grady was beginning to come around and was heading for the Technical where two Deadpool LMDs were positioned firing anti-tank rounds indiscriminately across the battle field. Suddenly the armor systems screeched as the Chain-Gun Deadpool LMD opened fire the bullets penetrating the shields and chewing through the metal chassis into his legs. Returning fire with the arm mounted Repulsors, Osborne poured enough fire onto the Chain-Gunner until he exploded the head rolling across the battle-field and down into a broken sewer grate.

From behind him Osborne heard an eerie screech and turned to see Deadpool and two LMDs focusing on Mac Gangran, with one throwing flash-bangs at an alarming rate at the Symbiote while the second poured streams of liquid fire onto the faux Spiderman with a Flamethrower, as Deadpool sang the opening verse of Fire by Arthur Brown as the Symbiote screamed and writhed on it's own funeral pyre.

"Deadpool, why have you come here and attacked my Avengers!" Osborne bellowed

"Because it's fun and I'm being paid 20 million for a complete job with 100 Grand per ugly Avenger head." Deadpool answered, "I'm in the money," he sang above the Symbiote's screams of pain.

"Deadpool, you don't have the finesse to acquire all this hardware in such short a period of time. Give me the name of your supplier and I will pay you 10 million to get lost and never return to New York again." Osborne offered

"And how you going to keep me out of one of my favourite cities?" Deadpool asked, "Wait hold on." he added upholstering a pistol and shooting an entire magazine into the screaming Symbiote. "Sorry that was really annoying Me." he apologized.

"With a bullet." Osborne stated, "As we speak HAMMER troops are setting up a cordon around the area armed with bullets designed to deliver and Anti-Cancer round right into your cranium, no regenerations and no second chances."

Deadpool grabbed LMD 22 and shook him, "It's game over man, we're dead meat."

"Get a hold of yourself sir." LMD 22 replied

"No, no, you got it wrong," Deadpool lectured, "The line it get a hold of yourself Hudson."

"Shall I call in LMD 6?" LMD 22 asked

"Yeah and while that's happening I'm going to set off the fireworks," he replied flipping a detonation trigger. Behind him Avengers Tower shook and collapsed as the demolition charges Deadpool had covertly set the day before detonated. "Yeah Osborne I did that." Deadpool chanted, "Where's your precious Anti Cancer rounds now?" he taunted

"You like explosions Deadpool." Osborne stated as he saw the flare of Antman's boosters head inside the Technical's exhaust, "Then you're going to love this one." he added as Antman scurried out and cleared the area. A second louder boom sounded and the anti-tank Technical exploded sending the LMD's inside flying.

"Well since we are playing 20 questions, since Tony Stark is missing presumed dead who do all the Iron Man Villains go when they want to get beaten up?" Deadpool asked

Osborne surveyed the scene, Daken was done healing and was getting to his feet and Karla moaned, coming round from her date with the floor. The Scarab however, was still out of it still groaning in ecstasy as golden mist whirled around her. "Deadpool you are outclassed, consider my offer before anybody else dies." Osborne offered.

"The answer is…" Deadpool continued oblivious to Osborne's offer, "A, Norman Osborne. May I introduce the Crimson Deadpool armor." Slamming down behind Deadpool a massive suit of armor arrived crewed by a Deadpool LMD. "Modified from a confiscated suit of Crimson Dynamo armor this suit features high powered magnets." Deadpool explained as Daken ran at the suit which responded by bending the faux Wolverine's remaining claws back. "Concentrated Nerve Gas Sprayers." the Dynamo Armor sprayed O'Grady as he rocketed towards it with a thick grey fog that caused him to drop to the floor convulsing and coughing. "And my personal favourite," Deadpool continued, "Lots of Guns." he finished as the suit opened fire on Karla as she struggled to her feet. Osborne dashed across to her position oil and blood oozing out through the holes in the armor. He reached her just in time to shield her from the incoming fire the rounds tearing through the armour's hull but stopping short of penetrating his skin.

"Hit em' again Clyde." Deadpool ordered

"I am sated." a deep voice rumbled. The Emerald Scarab was back on her feet fire and energy oozing from her eyes and mouth. The Dynamo armor fired on Osborne and Karla but a shield of mystical energy had enveloped them and the howling Daken and the rounds just fell harmlessly off the surface.

"You," Osborne growled, "This is your fault, I'm going to make sure that you bake on the sands of Egypt for what's' happened here.

"Mortal Animals die, but I know that this was not meant to happen, their deaths are written in stone on another day."

"So what are you going to do, resurrect them or something?" Osborne asked

"No." Kephi stated, "I have the power I need and you Mortal will once again worship the might of Kephi as I throw down Ra and reclaim the sun."

"You may be powerful but I posses the Book of the Dead, stolen from the Library of Alexandria. Before I even invited you into the tower I memorized all its secrets including the curse that locked you in that mortal female body. I can make sure that you stay imprisoned in a tomb of flesh and bone for all eternity." Osborne said

"You dare black-mail me?" Kephi asked before beginning to laugh, a sound so powerful that the very buildings around them shook. "Very well mortal I could have thrown open the gates of Heliopolis single headedly but instead I will roll back the sun six hours, but I warn you only this event can be changed all others must continue or the fabric of time will unravel. All living witness will remember these events until they have been rectified, remember that." Kephi instructed before flying up an arrow of green and gold ascending into the heavens.

Osborne looked up to see Deadpool and the two LMDs staring at him weapons pointed directly at him.

"Any Last Words." Deadpool asked.

"Who hired you, I have an inkling but I would like to know who bested me?" Osborne asked

"Don't know I just met with one of his servants this hot foreign robot lady." Deadpool told him, "Now who should I kill first, Ms. Fake Marvel or Wolverine's Basted?" Deadpool asked. Above them the sky glowed orange and the darkness melted into blue skies. Osborne watched as the LMDs faded out of view, no doubt returning to where they were earlier in the day. The bodies of his Avengers also disappeared fading into gold mist as they returned to the now standing Avenger's Tower.

"Deadpool," Osborne stated, "I'll see you later, and this time I will be shooting to kill." he added as the gold mist surrounded him until he couldn't see anything.

"Crap." Deadpool said, "There goes my bonus." as he too was taken by the mists of time.

* * *

><p>Deadpool: - "You just cost me 400 Grand Buddy<p>

Impurest Cheese: - You really think I'd leave it just as you were about to kill Osborne

Deadpool: - Now I have to f#&^£g start from scratch, and why the hell have you just censored me

Impurest Cheese: - Because I have something that may change your mind

Deadpool: - Is it a Scooby Snack?

Impurest Cheese: - No it's logic. You have technically killed four Avengers, if you kill them again you can get another 400 Grand. Think about it you could earn an extra 1.2 million. Interested?

Deadpool: - Oh boy a Scooby Snack

Impurest Cheese: - Er Deadpool are you okay

Deadpool: - Yeah sorry what was that about an extra 1.2 Million

Impurest Cheese: - Don't worry Deadpool, LMD 22 will fill you in as you fall through the mists of time

Deadpool: - What no where's my 1.2 Million and more importantly my Scooby Snack

Impurest Cheese: - Great now I'm going to have a sense of Déjà vu all day.


	4. Going Back to the Start

The gold mist faded and Norman Osborne opened his eyes to see the Iron Patriot armor sitting across the room in its usual place in his office.

"Are you okay sir?" Victoria asked as she stood with a large clipboard in her hands. Osborne suddenly realized where, or more correctly when, he was, it was the meeting he had earlier in the day about the catering of the Avengers announcement that was to take place in central park that evening.

"Victoria?" he asked cautiously, "What time is it?"

"It's 4:20PM on the 18th May." Victoria answered, "and as I was saying I think we should avoid anything to meaty we don't know what mood Mac Gargan will be in tonight. He may be presentable or a slobbering hyper-carnivore that tears people's limbs off."

"Speaking of my Avenger's where are they?" Osborne asked

"Where they usually are, in the tower's executive penthouse lounge." Victoria answered as Osborne rose from his chair, "Sir where are you going this is important."

"Trust me Hand this is far more pressing, go and assemble the HAMMER ground units and hand out the Anti-Cancer rounds, we're going hunting." Osborne ordered a menacing smile on his face, "for Deadpools."

"And then I laughed so hard that the finger popped out of my nose." Gargan said as the other Avengers, apart from O' Grady and the Emerald Scarab, who was strangely absent, laughed, "And then I said that will teach you to stick your finger up at me kid."

"Am I the only one who finds that joke terrifying?" O'Grady asked

"Trust me it's better to…" Daken began to say before shaking his head, "Wait what was I saying?" he asked confused

The door behind them slid open and the Emerald Scarab limped in, her nose bleeding and massive gashes across her body which revealed tiny scarab beetles gnawing away at her bones.

"Christ what happened to you?" Ironclad asked helping her into a chair

"Reset time, hurts like hell." the Scarab replied not bothering to but on the usual flare she but on her speech.

"You actually managed to reset time then." Karla said, "You mean it's six hours ago."

"What are you talking about?" Hawkeye asked

"Yes what exactly?" Osborne asked standing in the door, "Karla, Daken, Kephi can I see you in my office for a moment."

"As you all know they died last night or this night." Osborne told the others as they arrived in his office, the security cameras offline. "I don't know how they would take the news."

"Probably not to well." Karla answered, "It would affect their performances in the field, my professional opinion is, like you said to keep this information from them."

"Then it's agreed we keep last night off record." Osborne ordered

"We need to find Deadpool," Daken said, "He'll try a new tactic I'm sure, but if we hit him now then we can get him before he can initiate it." There was a knock on the door and a technician put his head round the door. "Sir the Crimson Cowl is here to drop off a message from the Hood."

"What is it?" Osborne asked

"He says he has to deliver it in person."

"She, the Crimson Cowl is a woman named Justine Hammer."

"The person downstairs is defiantly a man." the Technican stammered

"New Tactics?" Daken purposed

"Dam' it." Osborne swore before activating the buildings P.A system, "All Avengers and available HAMMER security converge on the lobby, Deadpool is in the building." The other Avengers pushed passed the Technican as Osborne picked up a shotgun loaded with Anti-Cancer rounds and followed them out. For a moment the office was quiet and then a tiny speck moved along the windowsill.

"We died?" O' Grady asked, "When did that happen?"

By the time the Avengers reached the lobby, Deadpool was gone but the bodies of several dead HAMMER personnel was evidence enough that he had been here. A crudely drawn arrow, next to the floor directory, indicated that Deadpool was heading down towards the vehicle depot on sub-level 10. Filled with anger the Avengers followed the trail of death and destruction eventually arriving at Quinn Jet Hanger 3 where Deadpool was located with the real Crimson Cowl wearing a suicide vest.

"Deadpool drop the hostage and surrender, you're outnumbered." Osborne stated

"No bud you listen here," Deadpool replied his voice miming an old style gangster, "You try anything and you'll be clearing Quinn Jets off Trixie here."

"I think you have it the wrong way round." Hawkeye offered Deadpool

"No sees." Deadpool stated continuing his gangster voice as he pressed a button which caused the majority of the Quinn Jets to explode shattering shrapnel across the room. "Now this one," he added his voice returned to normal, "detonates the Cowl's suicide vest."

"Blow her up, she's ultimately disposable." Osborne said, "The Hood will get over the loss of her."

"Tough news for you," Deadpool told the Cowl, "Before I do blow her up I'd like to say catch." he yelled as he threw the Cowl at Osborne as he ran for the stairs the Avengers hot on his heels.

"EOD get down here now," Osborne ordered over the radio, "and somebody get my suit ready." he looked down to see the timer on the vest reach 2, then 1 and then a zero with a happy face as the bomb detonated spraying tomato ketchup all over his face.

"Running," Deadpool yelled barrelling out through the underground parking of the Avenger's Tower, "Running, where are you guys, as machines you're meant to run on time." he added as the Avengers arrived, "Hey guys listen if you could just open the doors we can pick this up later, I'm sure that you'll win."

"End of the Line Deadpool," Karla commented, "this time there's no escape."

"Fine then let me say one thing," Deadpool asked, "Bang, Bang, Bang." he finished opening fire with a pair of MP5s raking the car-park with gunfire as the Avengers took evasive action.

"Steel," Karla called, "Give us an opening." The Steel Soldier nodded and picked up a Chevrolet and threw it at Deadpool who hit the deck screaming. In an instant Daken had leaped from the thrown car and had plunged his claws into Deadpool's neck as the others surrounded the downed merc.

"We got him." O'Grady said happily

"No this one has no life to feed on." the Scarab said, "It's just a machine."

"Is that right," Daken growled, "Smells like the real thing."

"Sheryl really nailed it the First Cut really is the deepest." Deadpool wailed as Norman arrived dressed in the Iron Patriot Armor. "Hey Osborne," Deadpool stated, "If you want to find the real Deadpool look outside."

"A fake you idiots captured a decoy." Osborne roared, "Get outside and find him and this time don't let him get away." The Avengers headed out through the doors of the parking garage, "Not you Kephi I have a special task for you." Norman ordered

"Looks like he has a new favourite," Hawkeye huffed, "It's the Sentry all over again."

"Maybe he's just making her feel welcome." Spiderman stated, "I know I'd really like to welcome her, I have cravings for Asgardian but she'll do." he hissed menacingly.

As the Avengers left Osborne had two HAMMER agents drag a man into the parking garage. Silently the Scarab locked lips with the man and kissed him passionately, her beetles crawling into his mouth devouring the man's skin and muscle until nothing but a cleaned skeleton was left. As the beetles crawled back into Kephi's mouth her wounds healed and her eyes shone with golden radiance.

"There are you sated?" Osborne asked

"For now, once this Deadpool has been caught I will have enough food to last me a lifetime, his years are almost infinite." she purred as she dropped the agents dropped the skeleton onto the floor. "This man was the one who let Deadpool into the building, through his life essence I can track our target."

"Where is Deadpool then?" Osborne asked

"Outside the tower with his doppelgangers." she stated vanishing into green and gold fog. As she reappeared Deadpool jumped up from the back of the Technical he was standing on and waved before the LMD at the wheel floored it followed by a second vehicle and a massive flat-bed truck. Osborne followed the Scarab out and watched as Karla and Mac perused the vehicles as the others followed in vain on foot.

"Karla, Mac continue the pursuit, we're going to be right behind you in transport with our rapid response battalion." Osborne ordered

"Got it," Karla replied, "We'll try and thin the herd as we go but by the looks of it the Deadpools are packing heavy anti-air defences."

"Just keep on their tail," Osborne ordered, "Daken, Steel take one of the Thunder Hawks and join the pursuit. Kephi, O' Grady I want you with the ground troops on the Command APC, when Deadpool stops you two are going to follow inside and cut off his avenue of escape."

"What about me?" Hawkeye asked.

"Stay here I have a special assignment that I need you to complete." Osborne ordered

What's that?" Hawkeye asked as HAMMER marked APCs and HUMVEEs arrived. Osborne pointed to the lead HUMVEE that only had the chain gun removed with and replaced with a rail-gun.

"Let's just say that Deadpool is packing heavy armor," Osborne said as Hawkeye gasped "and Here's hopping that you don't miss." he added, "Because our lives will be in your hands."

* * *

><p>Deadpool: - I wasn't in that chapter at all; this <strong>is<strong> the Deadpool Invasion right?

Impurest Cheese: - "You where in this chapter just not as much as Deadpool LMD 27. And you supplied the voice and the capture the Crimson Cowl so you were more of a behind the scenes character."

Deadpool: - "Can we have a chapter where I and the Cowl have a fight?"

Impurest Cheese: - "No. If we added that then everyone else would want more stuff added about their characters. Some of it would be good reading but I refuse to have a chapter called 'Deadpool eats a Sandwich and then uses the ketchup to fill a bomb' I hope you understand that"

Deadpool: - "That bomb was great, I wish I had the security footage from that garage."

Impurest Cheese: - "I suppose it would be possible to convince Osborne to hand over footage that humiliated him."

Deadpool: - "Really"

Impurest Cheese: - "No HAMMER had probably destroyed it by now. I'll do you a compromise I'll write you an epic car chase chapter with multiple high octane moments, sound fair."

Deadpool: - "Will their be explosions and much breaking of the 4th wall?

Impurest Cheese: - "I Suppose so. What are you doing?"

Deadpool: - "Not now K.I.T.T. I beg your pardon? Come on do the line please.


	5. Deadpool: Ultimate Road Warrior

The streets of New York echoed with the rattle of the Deadpool's Technicals rear mounted ZPU Anti Aircraft Gun. Streams of tracer, as well as canny shooting by the gun crew had kept, for the moment, Ms. Marvel and Spiderman away from the convoy as they rocketed down Wall Street. The Deadpools had already scored a few kills with a pair of police helicopters and a HAMMER owned Thunder Hawk already shot down.

"Osborne we are having problems down here we could use some back-up." Karla called over the radio, "They have some kind of energy field that's preventing me going intangible and the rate of fire is keeping Mac from getting close."

"Just stay on their tail, ground support is around a minute behind you, if you can stall them then we can catch up with them." Osborne ordered

"Mac cut them off and web the road, even if it doesn't stop them then we can at least slow them down." Karla ordered. Mac hissed and swung into an alley as Karla threw a few energy blasts that were deflected by the strange energy field.

"Keep firing comrades, the capitalist Avengers will feel the might of the Red Army." Deadpool instructed his troops in a very bad Russian accent. "Cut them down so America knows our might." he added as Spiderman vanished down a back alley. Rounding the corner the Flatbed jack-knifed to avoid a mass of black gunk that was covering the road in front of it.

"What now sir?" Deadpool LMD 7 asked from the driver's seat.

"We go back." Deadpool replied kicking the gear stick of the technical forcing it into reverse. The second Technical responded and the Flatbed creaked as it turned tightly to follow them as the energy projector on the back threatened to fall off as the four LMDs mounted on the back scanned the sky's with RPGs and Stinger Missile Launchers.

"Osborne change of plan they are heading straight for the HAMMER pursuit forces. Be warned they are carrying Heavy Weapons and have the craziness to match their forces with ours." Karla informed as she swung round followed by Mac.

"Don't worry Karla, we have two APCs loaded with HAMMER agents as well as Kephi and Antman heading towards them they should be able to stop that convoy." Osborne confirmed, "Just be ready to join the battle after they make contact."

"Sir we have contacts in the road ahead." Deadpool LMD 7 informed Wade, "Two Grizzly Class APCs armed with 12mm Machine Guns, capable of carrying eight fully armed soldiers."

"Ahh give me that matey." Deadpool growled snatching an RPG off of the back seat. "I Captain Wade Sparrow will take care of these marauders." he added sticking his head out of the sun-roof. "Ahh haa that scurvy Osborne will regret trying to take the Red Pearl from me." he growled firing the RPG which barley caused a dent on the APC. Ducking down to avoid the machine gun Deadpool picked up a second anti tank weapon this time a much bulkier launcher. "Let's see them resist this?" he asked popping back out of the sun roof, "Ahh manning the cannon." he warned as he fired.

"What did you say?" one of the LMDs asked putting it head into the back-blast before falling off of the Technical it's chassis smoking. The rocket fired streaked towards the APC and impacted in the area where the first RPG impacted causing the Grizzly to explode shattering the road with shrapnel.

"Hand me another," Deadpool said in his pirate voice

"Sir the other rocket is in the other Technical." Deadpool LMD 9 told him

"Then take us over." Deadpool growled just before the second Technical burst into fire as the second Grizzly's machine gunner shot the engine compartment. "On second thoughts take me over the enemy vessel." he ordered pointing his sword at the Grizzly

"Aye sir." Captain Jack Sparrow agreed, "Shall I have first mate 22 keep the flag ship on course?"

"Aye." Deadpool growled, "And get out of my fan-fic Impurest Cheese didn't classify this as a cross-over."

As the Technical pulled alongside the Grizzly, Deadpool jumped sticking his blade through the side of the APC to pull himself up. Reaching the vehicles roof he pulled the HAMMER agent off of the Machine Gun and threw him off the vehicle as the Flat Bed driven by LMD 22 pulled up alongside and three LMD disembarked to join the boarding action. Dropping down into the vehicles main hull Deadpool fell straight onto a HAMMER agents lap who pulled out his pistol for what should have been an easy execution shot if not for his attended victim elbowing him in the face as he got up. The dropped pistol went off the bullet smashing into the driver's back causing the APC to swerve and crash into a bus parked on the other side of the road.

"Ouch," Deadpool said as something stung him on the back of the neck, "Antman I thought we were friends."

"We're not friends Deadpool last night or this night or whatever it was you killed me." O'Grady replied as he rocketed around Deadpool's face stinging him. Deadpool retaliated by waving his Katana around trying to swat the diminutive Avenger to no avail, although the surviving HAMMER agents were not so lucky.

"Stay still," Deadpool complained as Antman dodged and weaved his blows. Up above him the LMDs were firing at someone but were seemingly loosing as the sound of gunshots quickly faded as black sticky webbing curved around Deadpool's arms hoisting him up and into the maw of Spiderman.

"Ahh," Deadpool screamed as his head vanished inside the Symbiote's mouth. Aware that his life was in danger Wade slashed with his Katana and struck in the Symbiote's jaw, the lethal blade just inches away from his face as the robust blade propped the creature's jaw open allowing him to escape.

"Bring out the Bumblebee." he ordered one of the Deadpools standing on the Flat-Bed.

"Yes Sir." LMD 18 answered pulling out a long rocket launcher. "Should I fire now Sir?" it asked

"Yes you unthinking automaton." Deadpool yelled as Spiderman grabbed him from behind again.

"Any last words punk?" Spiderman hissed

"Just that a lot of heat and pressure equals a bad hair day." Deadpool replied

"Huh." Spiderman answered confused as Deadpool leaped onto the Flat Bed as a rocket went the other way impacting with the Grizzly in a fiery explosion. Looking back Deadpool saw Antman and Spiderman had leapt from the burnt APC and had escaped the blast radius.

"Dimmitt Fucking Avengers are really getting on my last nerve." Deadpool swore

Back down the Highway the Emerald Scarab emerged from the wreckage of the first Grizzly APC, golden fire dancing across her fingers. Already a crowd had arrived and was being kept under control by a mounted police officer.

"You Cavalry Man," the Scarab barked, "I need your horse." she finished throwing the officer off the horse. The beast reared as she got on and took off at a full gallop after the fleeing Deadpools.

Antman kicked a broken bottle on the side of the road. Mac Gangan had swung off after the convoy and 'Ms. Marvel' leaving him on the side of the road unable to catch up with his boosters or on foot. Racing down the street a massive black horse emerged with the Scarab mounted on its back carrying a massive spear. Seeing him she vaulted off the horse and over to his position in a single movement landing soundlessly next to him.

"What do you want?" Antman spat bitterly

"You." the Scarab answered looking at him oddly, "The rest of us are of corrupted flesh yet you carry the spark of decency within, it confuses me."

"Great," Antman said sarcastically, "Why don't you jump back onto your stallion and ride off after them."

"She is a mare, and I need your help." the Scarab replied, "The machine that the mocking warrior carries is powerful and I know little about technology."

"So I'm you're nerd." O' Grady replied, "Sorry but I've had it, I'm not Avenger material, I mean I died last night."

"Not just you, the archer, iron warrior and the savage carnivore fell before you. It was only the Deadpool's trickery that brought you down, and I myself was incapacitated." the Scarab said the last words like bitter on her tongue. "Now will you ride with me?" she asked.

"Hell why not?" Antman answered climbing onto the horse as the Scarab urged it forward after Deadpool.

"Cause it's the highway to hell." Deadpool sang as he fired his SA-80 up at Ms. Marvel and the Iron Patriot who dodged and returned fire with Repulsor blasts and energy beams. Their attacks were futile while the confiscated Skrull made infiltration generator was up and running there wasn't a damm thing those two could do except land and face him in hand to hand combat. Deadpool suddenly grinned maliciously as he dropped the light machine gun and crawled up to the generator and flipped the gravity manipulation function.

"And you're going down. All the way." he sang as Ms. Marvel and Osborne went crashing into the road.

"Sir new contact." one of the LMDs mounted on the remaining Technical informed him. "On our six." it added

Deadpool turned and saw the Emerald Scarab urging the horse she was mounted on faster as she carried a six foot obsidian tipped spear that like the Kopesh she had used earlier, or later, in the day glittered with an internal light.

"Open fire stop that horse." Deadpool called as the LMDs adjusted the angle of the ZPU to fire at the charging beast. As the first bullets rang out the Scarab threw her spear and veered off into a side street.

"We lost them," Deadpool cried trying to pull the spear out of his chest that pinned him to the generator, "We really lost them." he looked over at the Technical only to see that it had disappeared. Looking back he saw the vehicle dangling from a building covered in black webbing with Spiderman ruthlessly tossing the LMDs around before biting off their heads.

"Okay we made it," Deadpool said finally pulling himself off the spear. "LMD 22 any Avengers still following us."

"No sir all Avengers have ceased pursuit." LMD 22 replied

"Then head to the castle, we'll finish this there." Deadpool instructed not noticing the flare of tiny boosters slip inside the generator, "Today the Avengers die again." he stated, "I mean they can only live twice right?" he asked as the sound of sirens faded into the distance.

* * *

><p>Impurest Cheese: - How about that then Deadpool, did that live up to your expectations.<p>

Deadpool: - No I wanted the whole thing to be one big explosion but it will have to do.

Impurest Cheese: - Well the climax is coming up and anything could happen.

Deadpool: - I'm hopping that I kill someone.

Impurest Cheese: - And I'm hoping for some good reviews.

Jack Sparrow: - And I'm hopping to get the Black Pearl back

Impurest Cheese: - What are you still doing here?

Jack Sparrow: - Just talking to Songbird, we're going on a boating date.

Deadpool: - Wait I thought she didn't date criminals

Songbird: - We're not dating I'm just thinking of going on a cruise and he offered me a trip on the Black Pearl

Deadpool: - Wouldn't you prefer a trip on the Ocean King?

Songbird: - Phh, knowing my luck there will be a terrorist attack the day before we board and it will be cancelled

Impurest Cheese: - Am I even in this conversation any more?

Deadpool: - Thunderbolts: Cruise Control coming to theatres near you, this time it's on a boat.

Impurest Cheese: - I guess not.


	6. Last Stand of a Gun Fighter

The once proud Latvarian Embassy stood overlooking the Hudson. After Doom's attack on his Avengers, Osborne had convinced the US Government that Latvaria was a rouge state once again under the control of Doom. Few people paid the embassy any attention and even fewer actually stopped to go inside even though it was still technically open to all. Outside the building a Flat Bed Truck stood with three Deadpool LMDs armed with RPGs and Stinger Missile Launchers. They had been programmed to stay on guard duty but LMD 17, 20 and 29 were poor quality models and lacked the advanced intelligence of the remaining models. It was no surprise when all three were cut down quickly as HAMMER agents arrived and put up a cordon around the building.

"You 11 are my most formidable warriors my elite and I say that we will fight these Avengers in the courtyards, we will fight them in the atriums, we will fight them in the labs and that crazy Doom themed gift shop." Deadpool lectured smoking a cigar and squeezing a plush Doctor Doom that growled, "All Obey Doom."

"We know our targets." LMD 6 stated from the Crimson Dynamo armor.

"Good isolate them and then destroy them. That Skrull Generator should tip the fight in our favour. Now strike a pose people and head to your positions." Deadpool ordered, "22 take 8, 25 and 30 down into the basement, if we fail that will be our escape route."

"Yes Sir," LMD 22 replied before motioning to the others to follow him down. Picking up a massive M134 Chaingun Deadpool headed for the atrium as the other LMDs took up covering positions.

"Deadpool," Osborne spat as he the former emerged from the embassy, "You can't win your outnumbered and outclassed."

"Maybe Osborne but I have a proposition for you." Deadpool said, "Right now Songbird and the others are breaking out of Asgard. People will talk, say that Osborne's Avengers are too weak to stop a C Lister like her."

"We'll survive Deadpool which is more then I can say for you." Osborne sneered, "Agents take aim and fire on my mark."

"I'm offering you a chance to showcase your Avengers strength, You and them vs. me and my best." Deadpool offered

"I have all the advantages why would I agree to that." Osborne replied

"Because," Deadpool lectured, "The Latverian Embassy was rigged for demolition. I moved those Demo charges to Avengers Tower." Deadpool continued, "And we both know that I will do it. Hundreds of innocent lives against seven let's face it disgusting individuals."

"Fine I agree to you terms," Osborne said reluctantly

"Good 22 hold off on the explosives for now." Deadpool ordered over the radio, "Now Deadpool champions attack." he added opening fire with the M134 on Osborne who dived out the way just in time.

"Remember Osborne you don't have time to bleed." Deadpool said swinging the gun round to track the Iron Patriot. Osborne returned fire with his Repulsors only to find their shots blocked as they had been earlier.

"You still have shields, I must say Deadpool you may have a fractured mind but you have come up with some good tactics." Osborne growled "Almost too good for you." he added dodging more rounds from the chain gun. Silently he noted that Karla was headed straight for Deadpool's exposed back.

"Not today." Deadpool said as LMD 6 crashed through the embassy wall in the Dynamo Armor and gabbed her before throwing her into the embassy.

"Ronin know." Osborne ordered. From the HAMMER ranks Hawkeye appered in the black armor of the late Clint Barton and climbed onto a nearby HUMVEE.

"Say goodbye to your toy Deadpool," Ronin said coldly and fired the rail-gun, the shell shattering through the Dynamo's leg causing the mech to stumble and fall. Scrambling Deadpool LMD 6 climbed out of the mech and returned fire with a dropped RPG destroying the HUMVEE.

Getting to her feet Karla felt cold steel on the back of her neck. Turning around she saw an LMD armed with a massive shotgun. "You can't phase and you're powers are down to 50% thanks to the shield." LMD 18 explained, "You will be an easy kill."

Down in the bowels of the base O'Grady stirred from the broken light on the shield generator. He had no idea how to turn off the machine so he would just have to destroy it. Crawling to the top of the machine he saw an open access port that he could squeeze through. Moving towards it he suddenly froze as a shadow passed, looking up he saw a massive wasp buzzing around.

"Few thought it was one of those LMDs for a minute." he gasped. Once again a shadow passed over him and there was a sickening crunch as the wasp fell to the floor crushed. Looking up he saw an LMD armed with a pair of bug-spray cans.

"Concentrated Nerve Gas." the LMD explained, "let's see if you go down so easily" the robot taunted as O'Grady rocketed up away from the thick grey fog that was sprayed from the cans. Heading up he saw the LMD switch to a Glock and open fire the bullets flying past him like massive freight trains. Firing his stingers O' Grady sliced through the LMDs fingers causing the Glock to nosily clatter to the floor. The LMD screeched in anger and slapped him knocking him down into the deadly gas layer. As he hit the floor O'Grady noticed that the area was crawling with ants all trying to escape the poison, all heading up the shield device. Sending an inaudible command O'Grady grew to his normal size and faced the LMD which had pulled out a second Glock.

"You are terminated." O'Grady stated as he punched the surprised LMD in the face, the robot staggered and fell onto the shield device. Wisely O'Grady shrank down and rocketed out of the room as the confused LMD got to his feet just as the ants gnawed through the devices 'charge protection' cable, the whole device short circuiting and exploding taking the robot with it.

"That should even the odds," O'Grady stated as he headed down into the basement.

The LMD fired the shotgun bullets streaming through her, Karla knew it was the end. The bullets emerged out the other side shattering against a table behind her. Whatever had stopped her powers was turned off or destroyed and while the bullets ached as much as the last time she had faced them she was pumped up on enough adrenaline that she didn't go down for the count. The LMD for its credit fired a few more shots each burning in her insides before she ripped its limbs off and threw the torso through the wall.

Osborne knew he was in trouble the LMD had joined the fight against him opening fire with an Anti Material Rifle. Between it and Deadpool the air was filled with enough lead that soon he would take a fatal hit. Even worse Hawkeye was dead again, it was last night all over again. From inside the embassy shots rang out and Osborne heard Karla scream in pain and anger before an LMD's head smashed through the wall.

"It's over Deadpool." Osborne sneered now confident that the shield was down, "Now say goodbye to you army." he added vaporizing the mini gun with his Repulsors.

"Old Painless no." Deadpool cried, "This isn't over Osborne." he stated as the LMD lined up a shot with Osborne's head. Before the robot could pull the trigger an arrow flew from the wreckage hitting the LMD before being followed by four more lethal projectiles as Ronin crawled from the burning HUMVEE.

"Smokescreen," Deadpool called throwing a set of six smoke grenades onto the floor disappearing in a cloud of white smoke.

"Shall we peruse?" Ronin asked

"No Deadpool will find that he is not alone in there." Osborne said as a Thunder Hawk flew away from the embassy roof. "He'll be screaming for help soon enough."

Leading the way through the embassy's beautiful skylight the Steel Soldier dropped to the floor with Spiderman and Wolverine close behind. From the shadows three LMDs emerged armed with an M32 MGL, Flamethrower and a pair of MP5s loaded with Adamantine bullets.

"Hose them down," the lead Deadpool LMD stated opening fire with the Flamethrower at where Deadpool was but this time it's target wasn't stunned and the sinister figure had vanished up into the rafters. Off to the left the LMD armed with the Grenade Launcher fired six shots at the Steel Soldier the explosives bouncing off his metal body. Horrified the LMD threw down the MGL and picked up a Handgun the bullets bouncing off faster then the grenades. Throwing down the pistol the LMD drew a knife but the blade bent on the Soldier's armor.

"Are you finished?" the Steel Soldier asked. The LMD nodded before the Steel Soldier lifted it up and smashed it over his knee the robot shattering in half. Behind him Daken was diving in and out of the bullets fired by the LMD the armor piecing rounds chewing holes in the embassy's pillars until the MP5s clicked their magazines empty. The LMD didn't have any time to reload, its arms rolling on the floor along with it's head.

"Stay back." the remaining LMD ordered releasing a jet of flame from its weapon. "I'm warning you." it added not noticing the long tongue penetrating the weapon's fuel tank. The Steel Soldier took a step forward and the LMD fired as sparks from the moving fuel detonate the tank and the LMD itself. Dropping down Spiderman hissed as a door behind him opened.

"Wrong room." Deadpool said running back the way he came. From the corridor there was a splintering sound and the massive footfalls. Looking back Deadpool saw the Steel Soldier and Spiderman chasing after him.

"Those are impact tremors, I'm fairly alarmed." Deadpool said as he looked back again to see two T-Rexs chasing him down the hall, one Symbiote black and the other coated in steel.

"Oh Jesus," Deadpool cried jumping into the lift hammering the button. The doors pinged and closed just as the two Avengers reached him. Looking at the arm monitor that told him which LMDs were still active he was surprised to see only five remaining. "It's defiantly time that Deadpool left the building." he muttered as the lift descended.

O'Grady floated down the halls heading for the basement when he heard footfalls behind him. Turning he saw an LMD armed with a massive staff pulsating with energy. Before he could even think about evading the energy pulsed down the weapon and knocked him to the floor.

"You're dead Avenger." the LMD said getting ready to release another energy pulse when the staff splintered cut in half with the massive curved blade of Kephi's Kopesh.

"We really should stop meeting like this." O'Grady joked as Kephi looked confused, "It's a joke." he added

"This battle has been an entire joke." she replied slicing the head of the LMD, "The mocking one will escape."

"What?" O'Grady asked

"It's predestined." Kephi explained, "The outcome later this night was the deaths of all and his escape, and he will escape now." Behind them the lift doors pinged and Deadpool sauntered past before double taking and running the two Avengers now hot on his tail.

"Guys are you ready to blow the…" Deadpool began to say before seeing the remains of LMD 25 and 8 on the floor and the other Avengers waiting for him.

"22 where are you?" Deadpool asked

"Are you mean the LMD that you put your faith in." Osborne said, "He sold you out, it turns out that this LMD is even more greedy then you. Now before I kill you tell me who's your supplier and master."

"Don't know, won't tell." Deadpool said childishly.

"Then let me tell you," Osborne said, "The knowledge of hidden SHIELD facilities, the blue-prints of Avengers Tower and the real tell these Latverian Energy Pikes. Doom hired you to test my weakness." Osborne stated, "You did a good job it's just that I'm better." he added as the Steel Soldier clamped Deadpool's hands.

"Well look's like the last laugh is on me?" Deadpool stated as Ronin handed Osborne a rifle loaded with Anti Cancer rounds.

"Indeed," Osborne replied pulling the trigger.

* * *

><p>Deadpool: - "What you're killing me as well?"<p>

Impurest Cheese: - "Are you dead yet?"

Deadpool: - "No but the first line of the Epilogue will probably be 'Deadpool's dead body hit the floor.' I mean killing off your leading man is fanon writing suicide."

Impurest Cheese: - "Well maybe you will come back as a ghost?"

Ghost: - "Did somebody ask for me?"

Deadpool: - "No, now go get your own Fanon Story."

Ghost: - "I just came to deliver a message for Mr Impurest Cheese

Impurest Cheese: - Give that here. Hmm it's from Blood Tide, says she's going to sue me from beyond the grave for killing her.

Deadpool: - So are you going to kill me when you already have a cranky dead person hounding you?

Impurest Cheese: - Did I ever say I was going to kill you?"

Deadpool: - "You implied it."

Impurest Cheese: - "Fine get ready to face the final chapter of Dark Avengers: The Deadpool Invasion. Will Deadpool get out of his predicament? Is Doom really behind everything? And will I ever get rid of a certain Merc with a Mouth before I go Insane? Find out in the final instalment."

Ghost: - "Rated T for Teen."

Deadpool: - "That's my line."


	7. Epilouge  Events that Never Happened

**Latvarian Embassy, New York - 18:33PM**

Norman Osborne strode out of the Latvarian Embassy followed by his Avengers and two HAMMER agents carrying a stretcher. Naturally the press had arrived and were anxious to get an opinion on the events that had occurred.

"Mr Osborne," one reporter asked, "Are you going to pay for the damage caused to the city and the Latvarian Embassy."

"HAMMER teams will work to clean up the damage alongside local construction crews. I will personally fund any repair work for damage caused by Deadpool or my Avengers." Osborne stated

"Did your Avengers operate a shoot first policy with Deadpool?" another reporter asked.

"Deadpool was offered multiple chances to surrender but ultimately he chose his own fate." Osborne replied, "That will be enough questions for now but I do hope that you will attend my Avengers Official Announcement Ceremony in Central Park tonight." he added as he followed his team into the first of the waiting Thunder Hawks. As the doors closed he uncovered the body and slammed his armoured fist into Deadpool's face revealing machinery and high tech circuits underneath. "Well player Deadpool." he growled in equal parts admiration and anger.

* * *

><p><strong>Avengers Tower, New York - 18:56PM<strong>

As the Thunder Hawk docked at Avengers Tower, Osborne took a detour to the main security barracks. EOD had confirmed what the traitorous LMD had told him, that the demolitions charges had been a hoax. What's more Osborne had learnt the location of a SHIELD Warehouse that Deadpool had acquired and had sent HAMMER troops escorted by Antman, Ms. Marvel and Spiderman to take inventory and then burn the place down. Entering the barracks the HAMMER agents stood to attention and saluted.

"You're dismissed," Osborne said casually, "Except you Private Thorne." he added as the Agents left except a dark haired man with deep green eyes at the end of the barracks. "Agent Thorne I know from personal experience that you are loyal and brave and as such I would like to commend you before I forget about it."

"I don't know what I did sir?" Thorne answered.

"You saved my life with no regard of your own although the event will never happen anymore due to the actions that took place today."

"I don't wholly understand." Thorne replied before adding, "Get down." as a Common Remote Operated Weapon System popped up from one of the lockers flooding the barracks with gun-fire. Returning fire with his armour's Repulsors Osborne destroyed the gun his armor untouched by enemy fire. Thorne hadn't been so lucky and had seemed to take the brunt of the bullets as he lay gasping on the floor.

"Medic," Osborne yelled, "Somebody get a Medic in here."

* * *

><p><strong>SHIELD Warehouse, New York - 19:03PM<strong>

The SHIELD Warehouse clean-up was boring to say the least Karla thought, Inventory was a job below even the HAMMER grunts. Crazy as he was it would be unlikely that Deadpool would return to scavenge more weapons. Reaching a crate with the three agents Karla read the seal and stopped mid breath. "Give me your crowbar." she ordered the agents, "And give me some privacy." she added levering the top of the box off." Reaching inside she pulled out a glowing blue stone and smiled as the rock was reflected in her eyes.

"So that's where you put it Fury." she purred, "Well it's mine again."

In another part of the complex Antman buzzed around helping the HAMMER agents scan the crates. "Alright." he sighed, "Ancient Egyptian Sarcophagus." he stated, "Do not open."

"We have to sir." a HAMMER agent said

"Fine then stay back I'll check it out myself before we fully take the lid off." he ordered as an Agent levered the lid off slightly. Dropping inside O'Grady saw that there was no Sarcophagus inside only a glowing golden mist.

"O'Grady is that you?" Kephi's voice said from the mist

"Scarab is that you?" O'Grady asked

"Yes, I trust your search is going well."

"It's quite boring actually, what do you want?"

"To warn you, I'm sending this message from your future. She has risen once again and is out to destroy the Warriors of the Seven Pointed Star, the only people who can send her back to the Otherworld." Kephi explained, "I gave my past self information to keep the mocking warrior alive as he is one of the Warriors, his premature death would have led to the death of the entire planet."

"So why tell me?" O'Grady asked.

"Because you are one of the warriors as well, the spark of decency who will join forces with the mocking warrior, the wise wanderer, the crystalline soothsayer, the beautiful one, the armoured man and the killer of her mother to force her back into dormancy."

"Wait who is she?" O'Grady asked

"She is the one who will kill us all." Kephi stated, "I can't tell you any more or I risk polluting the time stream." she informed him before warmly adding, "Good Luck."

Crawling out of the crate O'Grady shook his head before stating, "It's empty, leave it to be torched."

* * *

><p><strong>Cisten, Under New York - 19:22PM<strong>

Deadpool trotted into the cistern and sat down on a computer chair located on a platform in the trendy albeit slightly damp workspace.

"Well done 22, you truly sold the deception." Deadpool said as the LMD came down the stairs and stood by the large screen computer. "Is she coming with the money?" he asked

"Yes 10 Million plus 400,000 for four Avenger kills." 22 replied, "and she's here sir."

"Ahh Lucia Von Bardas, how nice to see you." Deadpool stated as Von Bardas arrived with a suitcase, "Is that my money."

"In a way of speaking," Lucia stated her Cyborg features shifting into iridescent blue skin. "Your employer would like to speak to you before you get the money." she added as the big screen flickered revealing the face of Norman Osborne

"Well done Deadpool, you were worth every penny." Osborne said, "With the destruction you caused the senate couldn't wait to rush through the HAMMER Emergency Powers Act. In addition you tested my Avengers to the breaking point and have shown me how to approve my team. Congratulations the money is yours. Mystique give him his money."

Mystique handed Deadpool the money her reptilian smile chilling as the merc opened the lid and began to count the notes. "There is one thing, your bonus is being rescinded and instead…" he trailed off as HAMMER agents repelled down and surrounded Deadpool, "…your bonus is a stay in a new Negative Zone Prison designed for people just like you. I was going to let you go but the CROW attack in the barracks made me change my mind."

"I'm innocent," Deadpool cried, "I'm being framed." as the HAMMER agents took him away.

* * *

><p><strong>Camp Hammond, Connecticut - 19:24PM<strong>

"Sorry about that Doctor." Osborne apologized. "Now is the specimen I brought you a candidate for the programme or not?" he asked

"Well, the frame work once regeneration has taken place is adequate, but unfortunately he process none of the special qualities you asked for." Baron von Blitzschlag commented as electricity sparked through his hands.

"Don't worry about them I have a brigade of specimens that I will be acquiring as well as many willing test subjects." Osborne cackled, "Soon Baron I will be free once more." he cackled as the Baron picked up a bone-saw and got to work on the comatose body set in front of him.

* * *

><p>Deadpool: - "You're sending me to jail?"<p>

Impurest Cheese: - "Yes but I have made it clear that you will be important in future story lines."

Deadpool: - "I suppose it's better then dying, I really thought you would kill me."

Impurest Cheese: - "Why kill you now when I can give you a more fitting fate later on. Now tell the people about my next project."

Deadpool: - "Well you're doing two fanons before the new Thunderbolts, one about my old buddy Taskmaster and the other about that creepy Hand Lady and Task Force Hammer."

Impurest Cheese: - "That about covers it."

Deadpool: - "So goodnight from me and goodnight from him and the Dark Avengers who will return in Dark Avengers: The Asgard Offensive."

Impurest Cheese: - "Now take him away guys."

Deadpool: - "Wait when do I return?"

Impurest Cheese: - "Hopefully never, with you gone I can finally have a semblance of normality when I write my fanon tales. As always comment and leave suggestions for what you want to see in future stories."

Note: - Deadpool will return in Dark Reign: Escape from Negative Island


	8. Declassified HAMMER Files

Name - Kephi

Alias - Zara Nejad, Emerald Scarab, Formally Solar Scarab, Vanguard of Egypt, Eater of Sickness, Beetle Queen, The Accursed One

Place of Birth - Presumably Heliopolis

Nationality - Egyptian/Heliopoliton

Height - 6'4

Blood Type - Unknown

Affiliation - Avengers Initiative, Cult of Kephi, Formally the French Army, British Army, Seth, Heliopolis

History - Up until the year 1000BC Kephi worked as a celestial scarab pushing the sun across the sky. Due to great fortitude and determination this sun god became a leading member of the Egyptian Pantheon. It was only through the jealousy of Ra and the fall of the Egyptian Religion where Kephi was forced to share his duties with Ra, with the later carrying the sun in his talons across the sky, while the former pushed the sun through the underworld. During the long dark hours on the Underworld Kephi was seduced by the dark-god Seth who proposed a coup against Heliopolis. When this assault failed Kephi was locked in the body of a dying woman and tossed from Heliopolis onto the mortal plane.

For years Kephi slept, buried in a tomb as his spirit form spent it's energy healing the dying physical prison it was locked in. Emerging in the 19th century Kephi found herself far from Egypt as her tomb had been transferred to the National Museum of History in Paris. Awakening Kephi found that he/she had to feed on spirit energy from humans and ravaged Paris until she was captured by British agents who recruited her to decimate Napoleon's armies in return for removing the wards that Ra had placed on Egypt to prevent her return. For a while Kephi fought for the British but in one battle she met the Necromancer known by the British as Jack of Spades who bested her in combat. In love with the Necromancer, Kephi pledged allegiance and together they killed an entire Spanish Village in a moment of passion. Fearful the British and the French took two, of the three obelisks that contained the wards to banish Kephi and placed them in London and Paris, forcing her out of their empires forever.

Kephi and Jack now forced out of France wandered the globe until 1918 where they ended up off the shore of New Caledonia. Owned by the French they couldn't step onto the shore unless invited by the governor whose colony was ravaged by the Spanish Flu. Rowing out to meet the exiles the Governor struck a deal that is Kephi promised to feed on the sickness saving his people both Kephi and Jack would be allowed to return to France. The god and her consort agreed and within days Spanish Flu was extinct on New Caledonia and Kephi was on her way back to Paris. For a while Kephi vanished although it is known that Jack was killed by the Nazis in 1944 in Berlin. Strangely a wave of victims sapped of their life force followed his death and Kephi admits that she feasted in the same year. Confirmed sightings of Kephi eventually reappeared in 1971 in San Francisco where she set up the cult of Kephi to increase her power.

Over the next twenty years Kephi grew stronger from worship of the mystics in San Francisco. To prevent herself from feeding on her followers she indulged in the smoking of illicit substances that acted as an appetite suppressant. It was only after an attack by the followers of Ra in 1992 that Kephi was forced to feed on her worshipers although in guilt she saved her most loyal subjects by transforming them into sacred scarab beetles. The next decade saw no sightings of Kephi and it was only after the fall of Asgard when she reappeared egger to get revenge on Ra and Heliopolis.

Powers - Like most deities Kephi is stronger, faster and more durable then normal humans with an estimated lifting strength of thirty tons. In addition Kephi appears to be skilled in armed combat often using a 5ft Kophesh in battle that is formed out of her own energy field. Other recorded weapons include a six foot polearm, a massive compound bow and two 'Axes of Vengeance' based on the weapons of Hourous. Kephi can also create mystic fire and fog although she has stated that they are more aesthetic then practical. Whatever the case they seem to affect her movements and Kephi often vanishes and reappears, although weather this is a cloaking field, teleportation or moving through time is still unknown. Kephi seems to be the host for several Scarab species, although only the Sacred Scarabs are used in feeding, which act on her will alone. When injured Kephi 'feeds' taking life-force to heal and keep her prison alive. Powerful individuals provide more fuel and Immortals such as Deadpool provide enough energy to manipulate the primal forces on the Universe.

HAMMER Analysis - The new Heavy Hitter on the Avengers team and the vanguard for any assault. As long as we keep her/him fed he shouldn't be a trouble since he/she came to us for assistance. Note: - Keep an eye on the relationship between Kephi and Antman, it could lead to possible fracturing of the team if things get messy between them.


End file.
